There’s an old “folk tale” that if you throw a frog in a pan of boiling water, it will quickly jump out.  But if you put a frog in a pan of cold water and raise the temperature ever so slowly, the gradual warming will make the frog doze happily—in fact, the frog will eventually cook to death, without ever waking up.

Despite the fact that this turns out to be scientifically untrue, the metaphor is apt for a discussion about cyberbullying.  In many ways, it seems like we are the proverbial frogs in the gradually heating pot of water. 

As we have developed more and more dependence on electronic communication – according to Cox Communications and the Pew Internet & American Life Project, 93% of youths in the U.S. are online and 73% have a cell phone – we have been happily dozing and have not done nearly enough to educate ourselves and our students on the ethical and moral values and considerations of using this technology.  For the current generation of teens, instant messaging, text messaging, social networking and tweeting are a vital means of self-expression and a central part of their social lives. But what does it mean to be a responsible “cyber citizen?”  

A recent Associated Press/MTV poll found that four out of 10 young people have given little or no thought to the ease with which their electronic messages could be passed to people they didn’t expect to see them and less than a quarter have thought about it a lot.  (And I doubt the numbers are much better for adults!)

Without that consideration, electronic communication has become a boiling cauldron that too many young people cannot escape.  

Impact of Cyberbullying

According to a study by the Cyberbullying Research Center, approximately 20% of young people reported experiencing cyberbullying in their lifetimes.  Another study by Cox Communications and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children indicates that about one in 10 teens have cyberbullied someone online or by text message and 16% have seen or heard of a friend who bullied others.  For some, online cruelty may be a precursor to more destructive behavior, including involvement in hate groups and bias-related violence.

The impact of bullying has been well documented—studies have shown that difficulty making friends, loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, poor academic achievement, truancy and suicide are all associated with being bullied.  In addition to these risk factors, the targets of cyberbullying may be subject to additional distress due to the nature of technology:  anonymity intensifies cruelty invisibility lessens empathy; victimization is 24/7; and the impact is instant and far-reaching.  In addition, unlike “traditional” bullying, which tends to peak in middle school and decrease in high school, research indicates that cyberbullying is increasing in high school (and has recently been called by some an “epidemic” on college campuses).

These dynamics are illustrated by one of the more well known cases of cyberbullying directed at a Canadian high school student named David Knight.  After being teased, taunted and punched for years, some peers set up an abusive website about David that made his life unbearable.  The website—titled “Welcome to the website that makes fun of Dave Knight”—was active for several months before a classmate told David about it.  The site included pages of hateful comments directed at David and his family.  Soon others joined in, posting lewd, sexual comments and smearing David’s reputation.  He was accused of being a pedophile and using the date rape drug on little boys, and received e-mails such as the following: “You’re gay, don’t ever talk again, no one likes you, you’re immature and dirty, go wash your face.”

When David’s parents learned of the website, they asked police to investigate and have it removed from the web, but it stayed up.  After seven months of messaging, phone calls and the threat of legal action against the web host (Yahoo), it was finally removed. 

“Rather than just some people, say 30 in a cafeteria,” commented David, “hearing them all yell insults at you, it’s up there for 6 billion people to see. Anyone with a computer can see it.  And you can’t get away from it. It doesn’t go away when you come home from school. It made me feel even more trapped.” David felt so trapped he decided to leave school and finish his final year of studies at home.

Video posting sites, such as YouTube, are another common source of cyberbullying.  Particularly disturbing because of the age of the kids who posted it, in a video titled “Top Six Ways to Kill Piper,” the 11- and 12-year-old creators of the video included depictions of children shooting their classmate, making her commit suicide, poisoning her, and even pushing her off a cliff. The video is set to the Hannah Montana song, “True Friend.“ “It really hurt my feelings,” commented the Spanaway, Washington 6th grader targeted in the video.  “If someone hates me that much, to make a video about me, it makes me feel really bad.”

Other kids, feeling similarly trapped, have taken their own lives:

Rachael Neblett (1989-2006) was a 17-year old student at Bullitt East High School in Kentucky when she began receiving anonymous threatening and stalking emails through her MySpace account.  Though the messages continued for several months, Rachael kept them from her parents.  In October 2006, Rachael received an email stating, “I am not going to put you in the hospital, I am going to put you in the morgue.” After receiving that message, Rachael did not want to go to school or go out with her friends, and on October 9th, she took her own life.  No one was ever arrested; though the police were able to trace the messages to a specific computer, there was not enough evidence to press charges.

Phoebe Prince (1994-2010), an immigrant from Ireland, was targeted by a group of girls at her Massachusetts high school after having brief relationships with two older boys, who had also dated two of the girls.  A three-month campaign of relentless, incessant bullying, stalking and intimidation ensued, both in person and via text messaging and the Internet, including Formspring, another social networking site.  On January 14, 2010, after being assaulted on the way home from school, Phoebe hanged herself in the stairwell of her home.  In March 2010, five teens were indicted in connection with Phoebe’s bullying and the death of Phoebe Prince.  The charges included statutory rape, violation of civil rights with bodily injury, criminal harassment and stalking.

Megan Meier (1992-2006), a 13-year-old with a history of depression, was contacted via MySpace by 16-year-old Josh Evans, with whom she quickly formed an online relationship.  The friendship turned negative when Josh wrote, “I don’t know if I want to be friends with you any longer because I hear you’re not nice to your friends.”  Electronic postings followed, saying things like, “Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat.”  When Megan received a message from Josh that said “the world would be a better place without” her, Megan was overcome by sadness and committed suicide later that day.  It was later revealed that “Josh Evans” was a fake profile created by Lori Drew, Meier’s then 47-year old neighbor, whose daughter was a former friend of Megan’s. Drew was convicted for violating the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, but the presiding judge overturned the jury’s conviction in August 2009.

Ryan Halligan (1989-2003) was a teenager from Essex Junction, Vermont who died by suicide at the age of 13 after bullying from his peers on- and off-line. Ryan was repeatedly sent instant messages from middle school classmates accusing him of being gay, and was threatened, taunted and insulted incessantly. His father, John Halligan, a former IBM engineer, subsequently lobbied for laws to be passed in Vermont to improve how schools address bullying and suicide prevention, and also speaks at schools nationwide about Ryan’s story.

Alexis Pilkington (1993-2010) was a popular athlete who had landed a soccer scholarship to college, but none of that stopped the 17-year-old from becoming the target of nasty online comments or from taking her own life. After her death, a tribute to the teenager was set up on Facebook. Among the postings by friends about how much they missed her, a flood of negative messages, many of them lewd, also piled up. A page on Formspring also was flooded with mean-spirited messages and graphic images, including photos with nooses around her neck.  Alexis’ friends reported being distraught over the insensitive messages, many of which were posted anonymously.

How Do Adults Respond?

When a cyberbullying incident occurs, it is important that schools, teens and families work together to minimize the potentially devastating consequences for the targeted individual and the school community as a whole.

Adults are also responsible for putting into place the policies and practices that set clear community norms for acceptable use of technology and for how we treat one another, regardless of the means of communications.

Schools need to set clear guidelines for technology use and update policies accordingly; educate youth about ethical standards for online activities; increase awareness of Internet safety strategies among youth and their families; establish safe and confidential reporting mechanisms; and institute supervision and monitoring practices that keep relevant staff informed about how technology is being used.

At the same time, schools face many challenges because cyberbullying often occurs away from school, with personal technology.  While schools can restrict speech if it is likely to cause a “substantial and material” disruption of educational objectives or interferes with another student’s rights, it is not easy for schools to make that determination and courts have been inconsistent in their rulings. 

That means families MUST, more than ever, take responsibility for monitoring their children’s online behavior and reinforcing an increased culture of e-safety and respect for differences.  Adult family members should talk to their children about responsible online behavior, monitor the amount of time spent online and provide guidance for online surfing.  Families should set up the computer in a common area where they can supervise their children’s Internet use.  In some cases, adults might consider purchasing tracking software to block inappropriate web content and to check their children’s online activities, although they should not over rely on these products. 
All adults should encourage young people to tell a parent or trusted adult about threatening or harassing messages.  It is no small challenge to break down the strong social norms among youth against disclosure of online behavior.  Proactively discuss and provide opportunities to practice strategies for responding to cyberbullying, and teach and encourage young people to take personal responsibility in respectful Internet use.

Becoming a CyberALLY

As with “traditional” bullying, research shows that peer-to-peer education (changing/shaping peer social norms) is at the heart of prevention.  As a result, the Anti-Defamation League developed CyberALLY™, a program that supports students in developing personal strategies for protecting themselves against cyberbullying as well as acting as cyberallies—taking personal responsibility for preventing and taking action against cyberbullying and social cruelty in online forums.  The reality is that most kids want to do the right thing most of the time.  Unfortunately, the power of technology creates a very small “margin of error”—a small mistake can haunt you for a very long time.

The words of Hamed Nastoh, in his suicide note are compelling.  Hamed (1986-2000) was relentlessly tormented with slurs like big-nose, four-eyes, geek and fag until he became so depressed that he plunged 160 feet into Canada’s Fraser River.  In a five-page suicide note, Hamed wrote: “There was so much going on and I tried to cope…but I couldn’t take it anymore…Every day I was teased and teased, everyone calling me gay, fag, queer, and I would always act like it didn’t bug me…But I was crying inside me…and when people said it, my own friends never backed me up.  They just laughed…I hate myself for doing this…but there is no other way out for me…Please…tell the people at school why I did this.  I don’t want somebody else to do what I have done…after my death please…go to schools and talk to kids that bullying and teasing has
big consequences…”

What does it mean to be a CyberALLY?

Marina Belotserkovskaya is a high school junior.  In middle school, Marina was mercilessly teased and harassed because of her sexual orientation and gender identity.  Luckily, her parents were able to move her to a private high school, where she has been accepted as an out lesbian.  Marina decided that she wanted to do something to address bullying and help kids who might have been targeted like her.  She used the power of electronic communication to spread her message about overcoming the harassment and becoming part of her school’s “No Place for Hate” club, which works to fight bullying and bias.  Her video, “My Life is No Place for Hate,” has gone viral on YouTube and Marina has inspired countless other people.  Using electronic communication to spread a positive message is one way teens are acting as cyberallies.

Another example is the “Evanston Mice.” A mean-spirited Facebook page became part of a police investigation into cyberbullying at a suburban high school in the Chicago area.  A page called Evanston Rats was apparently so malicious, the school’s superintendent worked to close it down. Students say the Evanston Rats page didn’t only impact those directly bullied, it brought down the spirits of the whole student body. So some of the students at Evanston Township High School decided to fight back – with kindness.

On a Facebook page called “Evanston Mice,” students turned cyberbullying upside-down by making hundreds of positive affirmations about their classmates at Evanston Township High School, and attempting to “kill the cyberbullying ‘rats’ with kindness.”  In just five days, some 900 people, a third of the student body, became fans of the website.  “I love the feeling that your friends actually care enough to write something about you and have it publicly displayed,” said Freshman Anthony DeCapri. “It was just a wonderful thing to be encouraged like that, instead of getting negative feedback,” said senior Dujon Smith. “This is just nice. There’s nothing wrong with being nice. It’s kind of like a lost art,” freshman Sam Nicolosi said.

In 2010-2011, the Atlanta Anti-Defamation League office offered CyberALLY training programs to 21 schools (eight high schools, 13 middle schools), reaching 600 students and 44 adult advisors.  After participating in the CyberALLY program, over 90% of the students said that the program was very or extremely valuable to them.  In addition, more than 90% of the students responded that following the workshop they are more informed about cyberbullying, the impact it has, and effective ways to respond:

• 91% said they understand what it might feel like to be teased or bullied and want to be respectful of other people, even when they seem completely different.
• 97% said they understand the problems caused by cyberbullying and the hurt that people feel.
• 92% said they understand what it means to be an ally and want to try to be an ally to others
• 95% believe their words and actions can make a difference and have learned some ways to stop cyberbullying and to be an ally to others who are targets of cyberbullying.

Originally published in our February 15 issue (March 2012).